Berry & Green

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Solution To All The World's Problems!

“There is no political solution to our troubled evolution”, revealed Sting in the early 80s, and despite all the subsequent evidence, the former teacher and monster truck enthusiast was eerily correct.

We can hopefully all agree that we live in challenging times. From local problems like the bizarre mentality that makes certain people laugh at disgraceful Guy Fawkes “pranks”; assault 98-year olds in their own home; or vandalise playgrounds for disabled children, to global issues like climate change; the rise in nationalist fundamentalism; and none-to-subtle attacks on the media and democratic values: we are in something of a scrape.

Heaven knows, these days you can barely eat in some high street chains without checking that your inoculations are up to date.

But I have a solution. And it requires sensible folk everywhere to join together and create a list of people - to be enshrined in international law - who should NEVER be allowed to be in charge of anything more complex than a child’s tricycle. In this way, we can prevent most, if not all, of the man-made catastrophes of the last few centuries and all live happier, longer, more satisfying lives

I welcome your suggestions for this list but, to guide you, I’ve made a start…….

Anyone who plays golf on a regular basis; anyone who has ever “trolled”; anyone who regards “Mrs Brown’s Boys” as superior in any way to “Father Ted”; Justin Lee Collins; anyone who parks in disabled bays when they clearly aren’t disabled; anyone who hunts and kills animals for “sport”; anyone who cannot appreciate the delicious beauty of a Jaffa Cake or a Tim-Tam; anyone who didn’t take drugs in their 20s; anyone who still takes drugs in their 40s; anyone with a car sticker that says “Naughty Person On Board”; The Goom Bay Dance Band; anyone who puts their feet on the opposite seat on public transport; anyone who thinks Universal Credit is working; anyone who doesn’t salute magpies; anyone whose Instagram feed consists ENTIRELY of selfies; anyone racist, homophobic, misogynist or anti-semitic; and finally, anyone arrogant enough to think that their way is the only way. Let World Peace Commence……